I heard yesterday that The White Stripes broke up. My little rocker heart broke when I heard that. Jack and Meg White were one of the greatest pairings in musical history. The show they performed beat a lot of shows that five-member bands perform. Jack has already joined another band, and I'm curious to hear what they'll come out with, but I have a little hope that maybe they will work together again sometime in the future.

For now, though, I think I'll go sniffle into my little red, black, and white tissue...

 

 

It's been a little while, sorry. Combo of being busy, procastinating, and being unsure of what to write. I'm not sure, but I think it's all the change we've had in the last month, that's made me a little emotional and almost manic depressive.

I've been very emotional, though quietly, about sending Cece back to daycare. I miss our Mom and Daughter time, laying around in our pajamas drinking "chocolate coffee" and watching Franklin. It's not only a guilt I feel, but a homesickness-like feeling when I'm away from her. On the flip side, I'm finding myself to be more affected by her attitudes and moods. When she's in a bad mood, I don't deal with it as calmly as I did when I was home with her all day. I think it's because I think of her idealistically when I'm at work, and when I pick her up and she's crabby or in a bad mood, I get a little angry that MY time with her is spent scolding and yelling. I know her happy hours, when she was in a good mood and not tired and cranky, were spent with someone else...

I'm hoping things will slowly adjust, and she's adapt better to her new schedule and my role as a "working mom" again.

At work, I'm doing well. Everyone has been very nice to me. I'll admit, my first few days were a little tough. Everyone there, with the exception of one welder, is at least twice my age, and I regularly speak with doctors and psysicists about radiation therapy products, and other things I really don't understand in the least. I felt very stupid my first two days, then after that, I sat myself down, told myself to settle the hell down, take it as you can, and I've been doing fine since. I'm slowly understanding the world of gantry levels, protons and electrons, and isocenters. I use the word "mezzanine" on a daily basis, and that makes me secretly feel a little smart. :-) Overall, it's a very interesting job, and I think with time I will have a good grasp of the business, and will do a wonderful job at it.

I'm posting some pictures like you guys requested.

The first is the boys (Nick, Austin, and Phil).

2. Spooky picture of Jovi-Cat!

3. The boarded-up resturant/ bar on the hill I can see from my backyard. I was going to get a closer picture, but didn't have time today.

4. My little garden I did at the back of the house. Only got five feet (of 20) done so far, so I took a picture of it.

5. Front view of the house.

6. Cece zonked out on the couch today at 5:30pm

7. Our backyard. Ahhhh....space!

We're here, in our new house! Almost everything is moved in already. I had TWO days here before I started my new job (more on that later) so I was Tiffany on crack putting things in their right places. Got a lot accomplished, and it's looking pretty darn homey around here.

We've been here 10 days now, and I'm getting comfortable. Our first day here, I found a sparrow's nest in our front hanging basket. The mother sparrow was stuck in some fishing line she tried to use as part of the nest, so we cut her out of it and discovered a featherless baby in the nest along with four other eggs! Cece has had a great time checking the nest everyday to see all the baby birds (there are four or five now) and seeing how much fluff they have.

There are lots of birds in the yard, mostly robins, and they like to sit on our fence.

 

I've begun to find the unique characteristics and features of the house and of the yard. For instance, there are two very different views from the back patio. In the daytime, we have a clear view of the boarded-up SCARY old resturant in the nearby hills (we're kind of in a valley). It's so spooky to me I've even dreamed about it! A few days ago I drove up there to see it up close, and it was even scarier! And to top it off, there is a pioneer cemetery across from the creepy resturant! Ah! At night, however, we have a gorgeous view of the lit-up church steeple down the road. It's really beautiful to look at in the dark.

 

Cece began her new daycare this last Tuesday, and she is doing well there. Honestly, I miss Julie's (our old place) but Stacie is very nice, has kids Cece's age, and has a beautiful home as well. It's hard when you had to leave a daycare you loved to have your child at, because in comparison, nothing seems as great.

 

Like I mentioned, I began my new job on Tuesday as well. In brief, it's going pretty well, even though it's challenging. I will hopefully write more on this later- maybe tomorrow. Hope everyone is doing great!

We're back and we survived Hellapalooza! Yes! It actually turned out to be a pretty good time. There was lots and lots of drinking and smoking, and barbequeing, and music...

 

We got up there early Friday evening, unpacked the truck, and Nick, Austin, and Ryan decided to go fishing for a while, so they took the boat and off they went. The rest of us decided to hang out at the Chateau (the cabin). We played bean bags and polish golf, made some wienies on the grill, then decided to go to the motel/bar in town for drinks. The town is pop.99, and the motel is titled "Laundromat/ Motel" and it sits convieniently across from the bar. 3 beers, approx. 6 shots, and 10 jukebox dollars later, We were pretty sloshed. My husband helped me across the parking lot to the motel and I spent the night with his mom, her fiance, and her brother in their room. I wouldn't have made it back to the Chateau.

 

Saturday morning I woke up feeling remarkably good, considering, and I went out to breakfast with my bunkmates before we headed back to the Chateau and camp. Nick, Andy, and Austin were all already gone fishing when we arrived, and I spent the next 6 hours staring at the bonfire, sweating my pants off (it was 90 degrees), reading my book I brought, smoking like a chimney, and not drinking. The band arrived at 4pm, and were set-up by 7pm to start playing. They were a country band from a nearby town, but they were actually pretty good.

 

As the night went on, the music played, the drinking picked-up, it got dark, more people came, and it got a little crazier. Nowhere near the 100-200 people mentioned were there, it was more like 40 tops. High/low lights of the night include us dancing on top of a school bus, some games of Gay Chicken, Nick's mom saying she would "do me", and very much later on- me having a one-girl rave party in the middle of the woods by myself dancing to the Beastie Boys. Also, at I-have-no-idea-what-time-it-was, Nick, Austin, and I went for a semi-blind atv ride on the old logging roads. Nick drove, I was sandwiched in the middle, and Austin took up the rear. It was a tight squeeze, but more of a problem was that Nick's headlights were out, so we only had the light from his "cat-eyes" on his hat to light the way. I realize this was incredibly stupid, but at the time, it seemed like super-fun idea-- riding 50 mph through the dark with too many people on the atv. We ended up making it back in one piece, only to crash in the yard when we got back. Nick tried to do a wheelie and it obviously didn't work out too well, the four-wheeler came up from under us, and all three of us were spit of the back of it into the dirt going about 10 mph. No one was seriously hurt. That, however, was a cue that it might be time for bed.

 

The next morning we woke up and I decided to go fishing with the boys, rather than spend another 6 hour afternoon sweating in the woods with nothing to do. Normally, I don't care for fishing. But the lake was so beautiful and secluded. The weather was perfect on the water, with a nice breeze. I felt so happy there with "my boys". Plus, I caught a pretty good sized walleye that we kept and brought home!

 

So that was our weekend at Hellapalooza, which turned out to not be so bad after all. I do have a pretty severe sunburn, but other than that, it was a good trip. We went fishing again today, and brought along Cece. Who knows, maybe this fishing thing will turn out to be a family staple.

 

Oh! Also- that job interview I had last Thursday... I got the job! Yay! I'm so excited, and proud of myself. I'm so thankful, and this totally changes our finacial situation for the way better. I also found a daycare, which I was referred to by one of my mom's friends, and we go to check her out on Thursday.

 

Tomorrow is my last day at Sally's (my part-time job), Wednesday we close on our Townhome, I tour my new job office, and we meet with our Insurance agent. Friday we close on the new house, and hopfully start to move, then Saturday we're out of town again, this time for a friend's wedding. Busy, busy week, so my apologies if I don't post for a while. In the meantime, have a wonderful week!

 

 

Today was eventful, even if it was a smidgin' stressful and unpleasant.

I got to work this morning, did all the morning money duties, and went to the bank with the deposit. The store is supposed to open at 9am, but it's usually totally dead on Wednesday mornings, so when I left the bank at 8:59, I decided to Fudge it and go get coffee. It took longer than I thought at the coffe shop, and I got to the store at 9:09. Oops, oh well, I thought, what are they going to do- fire me? I already quit. Haha. But as I neared the store I saw that the trainee we have this week was outside (she wasn't supposed to get there until 1:30pm) I told her she wasn't scheduled until the afternoon, and she argued with me a little until she realized I was actually right. So then I felt a little silly sneaking back to the store late, but she felt silly for showing up over 3 hours early, so I think we pretty much broke even... :-)

At 11:30 I had my "yearly" Dr. appt. Ladies, you know how great those are. And to top it off, they decided I needed to finally have my cholesterol checked, so they drew blood. Understand, I faint very very easily, and I'm no fun to take blood from (I take after my dad on this one.) The nurse was very nice and gentle. They were  very patient with me, and I apprecited it. It actually went just fine, so passing out at all.

After work I went to the store to gather supplies for this weekend (the bachelor/ bachelorette party in the woods with no indoor plumbing.) I was informed last night that there are possibly more than 100 people coming to camp out and see the band they hired. So anyhow, I stopped at the store for food and tioletries for this weekend (which I am now affectionately calling "Hellapalooza.)

The big event of the day though was my job interview at 6:30pm with a local medical product design/ distribution company for a customer service/ shipping/ receiving position. The the pay is super excellent, and it sounds like exactly what I'm looking for. The interview went really well, both the President and his daughter were very nice, and I asked intelligent questions, and gave good answers. Apparently, though, they've had a lot of interest in the position, and I have  alot of competition. Tomorrow is their last few interviews and then they'r emaking their decision. I hope, hope, hope, (hope) I get a good call on Friday or Monday......hope...

Today I held a three hour cheer practice, and my poor body is pooped. My legs are sore, I pulled my back, and I got kicked in the head while spotting a back handspring. But everyone did really well today, I am hopeful for this new group!

 

Nick and I had a lengthy discussion the other day about our finances, and we bravely took an HONEST look at our monthly income vs. expenses. Not pretty. We knew we were living a bit outside our means in the last year- with me not having to "work" and going all out for Christmas and everything, but it felt a lot different to actually say it outloud. AND, with the new house, it's added pressure to the situation. So, I said I would go back to work full time. Doing what, you might ask? I have no clue. I'm looking into it. I faxed my resume and cover letter to a manufacturing place close to the new house. They were looking to fill a customer service/ shipping and receiving/ clerical position. Then, yesterday, I remembered a salon owner who had offered me a job a few months ago. I stopped by her salon to ask if there were any opportunites there, but she wasn't in. Other than that, I'm keeping my eyes peeled on the newspaper for anything that may come up.

 

I almost won 20,000 dollars on Thursday morning. KS95, a local radio station has this thing called "birthday bucks". They announce a birthday every Thursday morning at 7:20am, and if it's your birthday and you're the first to call in you win money. Well, this last Thursday was the sort of finale to the promotion, and they were giving away 20,000 dollars. Just for poops and giggles I set my alarm for 7:20, and listened in bed. I thought of how that money would change our lives. It would erase our personal loan we just took out with the bank for 10,500 dollars. It would pay off my credit cards. We'd be sitting so much better than we are right now! Well, guess what birthday they announced??? July 4. My birthday. In my half-awake stupor, I fumbled my fingers on the phone and had a momentary lapse of memory while dialing the number. 989-KS_ _..... My mind froze. As I already told you, I didn't win, but it was so close I could taste it. Some 29-year old from Champlin won, and wasn't excited at all. "I won? Really? Awesome..." That made me even madder that she didn't seem to appreciate it. I crawled back into bed, depressed, and watched the Today show.

 

I recently took a quiz online called the Belief-O-Matic.

http://www.beliefnet.com/story/76/story_7665_1.html http://www.beliefnet.com/story/76/story_7665_1.html

 

It asks you 20 questions and supposedly cranks out what religion best suits you. Turns out my inner beliefs fit Mormonism 100%, and Jehovah's Witnesses 97%.

After that, I'm Jewish (92%). Catholic comes in 5th at 86%.

The religion I have the least in common with is Scientology (15%).

Thank God. (No pun intended.)

 

Toodles!

Happy Mother's Day to all the fellow Mommies out there. I had a loverly day, and I hope you all did the same. The weather is still incredibly dreary here in Minnesota, and on my drive to the store today, alone in the car, with a slow song on the radio, I had a few clear thoughts run through my brain.

The first was having to do with coming to terms with my recent past, most notably right after I gave birth and the person I was at that point. I am at a safe distance from that girl now, and I can see her clearly, for the first time. She's sad, and she's incredibly angry. Only, there is no one to be angry AT, and so she becomes resentful of her life and the people in it, and holds a quiet, but strong grudge against this life that has become hers. That was unsettling to actually see myself as that person, and also gave me a sense of closure to that life period. The fact that I recognised those personality and behavioral traits as my own, but as something I had left behind, felt incredibly good.

The second great thing to fly through my brain in the car today was the idea for my entry today. I got to thinking about not only the person I was during that dreary part of my life, but about all the different people I have been so far, and all the different dreams I've had for myself at different points in my life. It's really interesting, if you examine your own life. Usually you can break it up into different periods/ phases. Who were you during each point in your life? What did you hope for yourself? What were your goals? What were your fears? How did you see yourself in the world? I asked myself these questions, and really thought  about it. I came up with 8 clear phases of my life so far, and I looked  at the girl who lived each one, and asked her the questions I mentioned a second ago. Here's what came of it:

 

1.) Age 0-8 (Eary Childhood)

What did you hope for yourself?

     I was shy until I was comfortable with whatever situation I was in. I didn't like new people or places, and I remember feeling inconsequential most of the time. I wanted to feel special, and to be confident.

What were your goals?

     I was going to become a elementary art teacher, or live up north and open a daycare with my cousin Tyler. 

What were your fears?

     Something happeneing to my parents, being alone.

How did you see yourself in the world?

     Small, undeveloped, and a little transparent.

 

2.) Age 9-11 (Later Childhood) 

Who were you?

     I was a lonely girl, only a few friends, and I spent most of my time alone at home. I felt quarantined, (because my neighborhood friends rejected me suddenly) and then displaced because we moved. When I met new friends in our new town, I felt accepted again. This was also an akward stage, and I felt clumsy in my own skin.

    

What did you hope for yourself?

     I wanted to be a part of a group. I wanted a boy to like me. I wanted to be beautiful.

What were your goals?

     To become a 5th grade teacher, and to go out with a boy.

What were your fears?

     Pretty much anything. This was when my anxiety attacks first appeared. I wouldn't go to school for awhile. Mostly, I was afraid of rejection, and losing control of myself in public.

How did you see yourself in the world?

     Bright. A slow bloomer, late to catch-up to all my peers in all social aspects.

 

3.) Age 12-14 (Sexual Awakening. Power, Freedom, Hope.)

Who were you?

     An assertive, beautiful girl, who knew how to have influence over the opposite sex, but had no clue how to deal with other girls.

What did you hope for yourself?

     I wanted to not only be liked, but to be quietly adored. I wanted to be beautiful, and lusted after.

What were your goals?

     #1 goal of my whole adolesence was to get Patrick Waddell to love me. He was a boy who lived down the street that was three years younger than me. It was a hot topic among the girls in the neighborhood. Other than that, I wanted to be a teacher, and I wanted to marry Patrick and have three kids.

What were your fears?

     Patrick not loving me. Being seen as the pervert I sometimes saw myself as. I though of myself that way because of the constant sexual thoughts that ran through my head. I was convinced no other 13 year old thought like that.

How did you see yourself in the world?

     That little thing called the world revolved around me most of the time. Otherwise, life was a beautiful, sunny, grassy meadow, and I was running carefree through it in a loose white dress.

4.) Age 15-17 (Introversion. My "Green Phase.")

Who were you?

     A girl in mourning of lost love no one understood or appreciated for what it was. Angry at men for being what I had discovered they were: ugly, hurtfull, and dishonest. Creative. One of the most creative points in my life so far.

What were your goals?

     To be an individual. To not only seduce men, but control them, and ultimately hurt them. I wanted to be a published poet, and be a photographer for National Geographic.

What were your fears?

     Being mediocre.

How did you see yourself in the world?

     A girl in the rain. Beautifully depressed. I call it my green phase becuase I literally wore nothing but green and shades of brown for two years. It was quiet and calm, like I was to everyone in my life.

 

5.) Age 17-19 (Complete shutdown of self. Anxiety.)

Who were you?

    Terrified, self-doubting, agoraphobic, suicidal, self-hating. I was also academically great. All my energy went toward school. I got a 3.6 GPA and was on the Dean's List my first year at college. Inside I was hollow and throwing-up.

What were your goals?

    To please my parents and hide what I was feeling from them. To not be crazy, which I was certain I was. To find my freedom again.

What were your fears?

    Ending up in an institution ( I really thought this was a possibility.) Hurting myself. People finding out how poisoned, ugly, and insane I was on the inside. This was the worst period of my life.

How did you see yourself in the world?

    A ghost. A crazy girl. I don't remember much of this period at all.

 

6.) Age 19 (Rebirth to joy, freedom, hope, and openess.)

Who were you?

     I felt like I had died, and been brought back to life. I made the decision to stop being a branch adrift on the river of my life, and I became the current of the river. I was in control, consciously, and painstakingly making every decision I could. I was vibrant with hope. I was completely liberal. I thought I was bisexual. Everything was a possibility, and everything was okay.

What were your goals?

     To leave school for a year or two, move to downtown Minneapolis with one of my guy friends, and write. Then to get my doctorate and be a college literature or writing prof.

What were your fears?

     To become what I was the year before. To lose my freedom and the control over my life I felt I had.

How did you see yourself in the world?

     Much like when I was 12 to 14. I saw myself as a free spirit, stretched out under the stars with a handsome stranger. 

 

7.) Age 20-22 (Inner anger, resentment, denial of God, defeat.)

Who were you?

     A mother. A Fiance. A Wife. A girl who was thrown into the life of a woman, and had no idea what to do with it.

What were your goals?

     To be a sincere mother and lead a sincere life that was true to what I believed. To go back to school. To feel the creativity and sense of self I suddenly lost.

What were your fears?

     To be a failure in my roles as a wife and mother. I honestly felt I wasn't equipped for either position. To lose my "self."

How did you see yourself in the world?

     Adrift. Displaced from my former self that I had fallen in love with. A skinny, deceptive street girl dressed as June Cleaver.

 

8.) Age 23-present (Developing)

Who are you?

     A work in progress, and I'm too close to the picture to look at it objetively yet.

What are your goals?

     To be a wonderful wife, a sincere and amazing mother, and a good role model to my friends, students, and family. To maintain and nourish the creative part of my being, and challenge my brain with things like this entry (!) until I can someday finish school and find a career I love.

What are your fears?

     Something happening to my daughter. Financial failure. My marrige falling apart.

How do you see yourself?

     A painting the artist keeps adding layers and changes to. A little frustrated and repressed. Eternally grateful and undeserving of the life I've found myself in through my many missteps.

 

....and who knows where tomorrow may find me, and who I will evolve into because of it....

 

 

    

HAVE YOU EVER....

(x) smoked a cigarette
( ) smoked a cigar.
(x) smoked a joint
() crashed a friend's ...car No, but I DID crash my bosses' car once!
( ) stolen a ...car
(x) been in love
(x) been dumped
(x) been used
(x) failed someone
(x) shoplifted
( ) been fired
( ) been in a fist fight
( ) snuck out of my parent's house
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( ) been arrested
(x) made out with a stranger
( ) gone on a ...blind date
(x) lied to a ...friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher
( ) been to Europe
(x) skipped school
(x) seen someone die
(x) been to Canada
( ) been to Mexico
(x) been on a plane
(x) seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) thrown up in a bar
(x) purposely set a part of myself on fire ...Settle down, it was my socks.
(x) eaten Sushi
( ) been snowboarding
( ) met someone in person from the internet
(x) been moshing at a concert
(x) been in an abusive relationship
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(x) made a snow angel
(x) had a tea party Only a pretend one!
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up
(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game
(x) been ...lonely
( ) fallen asleep at work/school

( ) used a fake id
( ) watched the sunset
( ) felt an earthquake
(x) touched a snake
( ) slept beneath the stars
(x) been tickled
( ) been robbed
(x) been misunderstood
(x) petted a reindeer/goat
(x) won a contest
(x) run a red light
( ) been suspended from school
(x) been in a car accident
(x) had braces
(x) felt like an outcast
(x) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu
(x) danced in the moonlight
(x) hated the way you look
(x) witnessed a crime
(x) pole danced
( ) been obsessed with Post-it notes
(x) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
(x) been to the opposite side of the country
(x) swam in the ocean
(x) felt like dying
(x) cried yourself to sleep
( ) played cops and robbers
(x) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
( ) sung karaoke
( ) paid for a meal with only coins
(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) made prank phone calls when you were younger
(x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) danced in the rain
(x) written a letter to Santa Clause
(x) been kissed under the mistletoe
( ) watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(x) blown bubbles
(x) made a bonfire on the beach
( ) crashed a party
(x) gone rollerskating
(x) had a wish come true
( ) humped a monkey Is that just to make sure I'm paying attention?!!?
( ) worn pearls
( ) jumped off a bridge
(x) screamed penis in public
(x) ate dog/cat food
( ) told a complete stranger you loved them
(x) kissed a mirror
(x) sang in the shower
(x) had a little black dress
(x) had a dream that you married someone
(x) glued your hand to something
( ) got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
( ) kissed a fish
(x) worn the opposite sex's clothes
(x) been a cheerleader
(x) sat on a roof top
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
(x) done a one-handed cartwheel
( ) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) stayed up all night
( ) didn't take a shower for a week
(x) picked and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
( ) had a tree house  
( ) are scared to watch scary movies
( ) believe in ghosts

( ) have more than 30 pairs of shoes
( ) worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
( ) gone streaking
( ) played ding-dong-ditch
( ) played chicken
( ) been pushed into a pool/lake with all your clothes on
(x) been told you're beautiful by a complete stranger
( ) broken a bone
(x) been easily amused
( ) caught a fish then ate it
(x) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
( ) cried so hard you laughed
(x) mooned/flashed someone
(x) had someone moon/flash you
(x) cheated on a test
(x) have a Britney Spears CD  HAD, Had a Britney CD.
(x) forgotten someone's name
(x) slept naked
( ) French-braided someone's hair

Today is a day of simple joys and appreciations. I appreciate my quiet home, my small list of menial tasks to complete, my beautiful daughter curled up on the couch...

Last night I was reminded of the single decision I made that changed my life forever. I was watching a program on tv where a woman gets pregnant, is single, and doesn't know what to do. I was gently and humbly reminded this was me not so long ago.

Before my marrige, before my home, before the two great loves of my life, I was faced with the same choice. Nineteen, dropping out of college, jobless, and alone, I saw only one choice before me. I made an appointment at Planned Parenthood for Monday morning, and went home that weekend to tell my parents. We all cried, and my father reluctantly told me they supported any decision I made and he would come along for the appointment.

What happened next I can only explain away as divine intervention. My heart broke, my mind did a 180, and I surrendered my planned life for uncertainty.

I told Nick a few weeks later of my decision, and slowly we came back together.

It's true what I've heard about great loves, sometimes it is right in front of your face. After much resistance from myself, even after Nick proposed a few years later, I had a great realization that Nick was the great love of my life, and Celia was born from that.

So watching that program last night, I starting wondering what my life would have been like had I chosen differently. I know God has presented so many opportunities to us, and blessed us so greatly, and my guilt-ridden Catholic heart  knows it is partly due to the choice we made.

This is my beautiful life, and she is the reason for it, and the joy behind it.

 

 

My mind is feeling a little less manic than it was yesterday, must be the rain... it's baaaack! The sky is gray like my mood. I stayed in bed until 11am this morning with my very patient and understanding three-year-old who encouraged me to "stay in bed all day Mom, so I can take care of you." You see, I don't feel well, and I'm not sure if it's due to a cold or stress and being slightly depressed. I'm just so tired. I found out this morning that Alex, a friend of the family, possibly has Hodgkin's (sp?) Disease. She is having a full catscan done today I think.

About the friend of mine I wrote about yesterday who left her "bastard boyfriend"- Jen, I'm sorry to say it probably isn't the same girl you're thinking about. I think you're talking about the friend I wrote about a few months ago whose boyfriend had gotten into a drunken accident. She's not the one who walked out on her bastard ( although she should have! they're still together...) Oh well, it's not my fight, right? We all have enough of our own most days, and I'm no different.

Well, I'm a world away from where I was last time I wrote, so much has happened.

1. Had try-outs. Went well, put together a good team of cheerleaders to take over the planet with their evil, evil plans.

2. Quit my job. My last day is the 30th of this month. Though I only work 2 days a week, all my best friends work there, and I'm well aware this is going to cut me off from the group.

3. Have been cooperating with police in an investigation of my booster club treasurer. In short, he stole more than $5,000 from his daughter's sport organization. Swell guy.

Other honorable mentions: Applied for our $10,500 loan at the bank. Convinced my friend Beth to leave her bastard boyfriend.

Lastly, I helped un-plan, then re-plan my mother-in-law and her fiance's bachelor/bachelorette party. (Sadly, we are again having it in the god-forsaken woods in the middle of nowhere northern MN, where there will be "entertainment" from a local country band, and no indoor plumbing. I might also add I suspect there will be a lack of shirts covering enormous beer bellies for the duration of the weekend.) I have no hope for this one except to drink myself to oblivion for the whole trip and pray for lapses in memory.

Bottoms Up.

For those of you who hate "list"  entries, skip the Part II of this one. But I had to do it because I love those, and I love reading different people's responses too.

Anyhoo-

Had my cheerleading meeting last night, and there was a good turn-out. I actually ran out of packets for people. That's what I was hoping for, so I was happy. Most of the new girls that showed up were going into the 7th grade next year. That's really young, but I'm glad there is the interest there, hopefully there will also be the talent and ability. I know a few of them were already involved with dance studios, and in my experience this is a great thing. Coming from a dance background, no matter how brief, gives you timing, ease of movement, improved muscle structure, and the ability to pick up on things quickly. Tomorrow night is our first practice for the try-outs on Friday. For the try-outs I got the coach from another school from our district and my friend Beth to judge. Beth was a cheerleader with me in highschool, and she's judged for me once before already. I'm super excited, and hope everything works out as well as I hope it does. I'm looking for 5-6 fresh girls, and hopefully I can get some good ones this season. I'm planning on working with a Gym in St. Cloud, which is about 45 minutes from here, and they can teach the tumbling, and even choreograph our whole routine, but that's pricey (about 1200.00 for a team of 15 girls.)

I remain ever-optimistic that things will fall into place with a little help, and that I CAN put together a successful team for the school.

I let you know how it goes! ;-)

Part II   Odd Bits...

Name 3 schools you went to: 1. St. Raphael's Catholic 2. Salk Middle School 3. Elk River Area Senior High   Name 3 things in your purse/backpack/fannypack/wallet 1. lotion 2. millions of keys 3. crumbs   Name 3 things you do when you're really stressed: 1. snap at people 2. listen to cds 3. eat   Name 3 favorite places to shop at: 1. Pier One 2. Antique Stores 3. Target   Name 3 places you go to on a daily basis: 1. Outside (unless it's icky out) 2. To bed 3. To the bathroom   Name 3 favorite fruits: 1. pears 2. grapefruit 3. any other fruit   Three things you are wearing right now: 1. black tank top 2. green jogging pants 3. white socks   | T | h | e | W | h | o | s |   Who is in the house with you right now? ...Nick, Cece, dog, cat, hamster   Who are you thinking about right now? ...the hamster   Who did you last talk to on the phone? ...the recorded voice for American Idol (Go Elliot!)   Whos house did you last go to? ...Daycare Lady's   Who do you sit next to in your 5th period class? ... :-)   Whose birthday is next? ...My Grandma's on June 6th   Who was the last person you told you loved? ...Cece   Who do you wish you were with right now? ...The people who are here, lucky me!   Who gets on your nerves the most at school? ... my cheerleaders! ;-)   Girls how do you have your hair right now? ...ponytail   Guys how do you have your hair cut? ... | T | h | e | W | h | e | r | e | s |   Where do you live? ... MN   Where are your parents? ... same town   Where do you sleep? ...In bed.   Where did you get the shirt you're wearing? ...Kohls   Where is the last place you took a ride to? ...daycare lady's house   Where in your house are you? ...in the computer room upstairs   | T | h | e | W | h | a | t | s |   What was the last thing you ate? ... teddy grams   What color shirt are you wearing? ...Black.   What is the closest item near you that is blue? ... a screwdriver   What do you like best about school? ... hmmm, I like me some good learnin'.   What is your favorite color? ... always Green   What kind of surgery have you had? ... tumor removal when I was three, wisdom teeth out.   What do you wear more; jeans or shorts? ...Jeans.   What is the last movie you watched? ...Brokeback Mnt.   What song do you currently hear? ... None, it's quiet   | T | h | e | W | h | e | n | s |   When did you meet your best friend? ... in 7th grade   When is your birthday? ... July 4th   When did you last go to the mall? ... I have no idea! It's been awhile.   When was the last time you bought a pair of pants? ... Probably a month ago.   When did you last burn a candle? ... A few days ago.   When were you last at school? ... Yesterday I was at the High School.   When did you last see your dad? ... Yesterday when he stopped by the house.   | TWO THINGS |   Two Parts of Your Heritage: 1. Pennslyvanian Dutch 2. Canadian Indian   Two Things You Want in a Relationship: 1. Humor 2. Respect   Two of Your Favorite Hobbies: 1. Dancing (usually in my living room) 2. Writing (never do this much anymore)   Two Things You Want Really Badly: 1. To be out of debt 2. success in my life   Two pets you had/have: 1. The Milo Man (our hound mutt dog) 2. Jovi (psycho saber-fanged cat)   Two Favorite Sports: 1. Basketball (can't play, LOVE to watch) 2. softball   Two things you did last night: 1. watched Frasier 2. made chili   Two Favorite Places to eat: 1. Romano's Macaroni Grill 2. Chipotle   Two things you ate today: 1. Taco John's 2. corn dog   Two people you Last Talked To: 1. My mom 2. Nick and Cece   Two Things You're doing tomorrow: 1. Working 2. holding practice   Two things that make you laugh: 1. the Simpsons 2. my family   Two people close to your heart: 1. Celia 2. Nick   Two Longest car rides: 1. through mountains of Cali. in rental car with no air in 115 degree temps. 2. driving my best friend, Jeremy, back home a hundred miles away after we stupidly slept together in college.   Two Favorite Holidays: 1. Halloween 2. Christmas   Two favorite Boy names: 1. Ryan 2. Joe   Two favorite Girl names: 1. Novalee 2. Julia/ Juliette

It's 12:30am and I'm exhausted, but I'm still up. No particular reason. I'm just sort of restless, and when I get like this it's almost like I purposefully deny myself the pleasure of sleep. I find extra little taks to do, think of searches to conduct on the internet, find things to clean, until my mind is so dumbed (yes, I said dumbed) that I finally surrender to my pillow. After this said exhaustion, I never sleep very well, though. My excuse for insomnia tonight is looking at college info on the web. I've re-dedicated myself to finishing school, starting in a year or so. That's when my finances will look a little brighter. I dug myself a sizable hole with my credit card, and I'm now starting to climb myself out of the hole. Nick's recent large promotion was a big help to us, and with our tax refund next year, we'll be able to pay a fraction of what we now owe, and I'll feel a little better. I'm thinking I'd like to go into social work, or school counseling. Both fields push for a master's for many jobs, and that's a little scary, but if I dedicated myself, it would be possible.

Anyhow, I'm starting back small- taking my leftover generals at a community college nearby. By the time that's done, hopefully I'll have made some decisions about any further education from there.

I really better get to bed. Tomorrow, Nick comes home, and I have a uber-important meeting at the high school. Tomorrow is when I see what the interest is for a comp squad. We opened it to 7-12th grade, and it seems promising, but you never can tell. Hopefully everyone that seemed so interested will show up and try-out, and I'm not just wasting my time. Here's hopin'. :-) 

I think I should probably get busy building an ark. It's been raining for two days straight, and it's supposed to conitnue through Monday. I was a moron this morning, and wore my shoes with the cracked soles to the store this morning. Came home with a very wet sock.

I'm going to my best friend's birthday party tonight. Nick's out of town, so my mom is taking Cece for the night. It is so rare I get an entire night off, I'm going to soak it in. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Dinner, drinks, laughs, and more drinks with my girls. Yay! We're going to Applebees for dinner, then to Heidi's for snacks and drinks and general goofiness. I'm actually spending the night, and so are most of my other friends, so it's a sleepover! (Except with "girls" in their 20's and 30's, and lots and lots of booze.) Should be fun.

I rented Brokeback Mountain last night, since Nick wasn't all too eager to see it, and I was having a lone Friday night. It was pretty good. I actually cried at the end. It's a good love story, and all the actors do a wonderful job. Michelle Williams is great.

I've decided what I want to go back to school for. I want to major in Community Psychology. My first go around with college I was very good in my Psych class, and really enjoyed it. I ended up getting the top grade in any of the classes. With this degree, I'd be able to work in clinics, schools, mental hospitals, and rehab fac. I won't get to start for another year at least, but it feels pretty good to have made the decision. One step in the right direction...

 

... and watching When Harry Met Sally for the zillionth time, and feeling alone.

Nick has been distant lately. He got a rather large promotion a month ago, and now works 60 hours a week. He's not home much. I understand that, and during the day when he's at work, I'm not lonely. I become so when he gets off work and goes fishing, or to a friend's house, or just falls asleep on the couch out of exhaustion. I feel overlooked, unattractive, and old.

No one should feel that way at 23 years old.

I miss being adored, in that quiet way a man adores you secretly with his eyes. How plans would be made or broken especially for me, just because. I miss seeing his shy desire for me.

It's not always like this, but when it is it's horrible.

 

On a different page, I've been thinking about the move lately. Now that we've actually purchased another home, it's become real that we won't live in this one any more. This will be the first time since I was real young that I've had to move out of a house I considered HOME. I'm glad that Cece is at an age where moving won't affect her greatly. A couple years down the road and it would be a lot harder.

 

I'm going back to Harry and Sally now. 'Night everybody.

Tarnished grass and stained concrete

surround

a promise lost and long left behind.

Bewildered

but staggering forward, she moves

carefully

like a fawn emerging out of the woods.

From behind-

a noise,

familiar but startling pierces her ear;

She turns,

nothing but a ghost,

the black cavity left by her past.

 

 

Whew, been awhile. To wrap things up very very fast and neatly: I'm so sorry I've been gone so long for anyone who cared. I have NO idea what you have all been up to, I haven't been on here for so long! It may take a while for me to get back up to speed.... bear with me. I hope you are all doing well, and I can't wait to hear from all of you!

As for myself, we (FINALLY) sold our townhouse, and after our first house we had sigend the PA for fell through, we have found a home I think we'll be really happy with. (See photo album.) We'll be moving the end of May to a town about 12 miles away. We're really excited. Apologies again! Hope to talk to each of you really soon!

 

Tiffany